Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Observations....

Last night I was observed during my teaching. I tried really hard not to think about the "stranger" sitting in the back of the room watching and critiquing my every move. It's very nerve wracking even on the best of teaching days. One can't help but think, "oh no, should I have said that? am I walking around too much? not enough? Am I any good at this???"

My observer is a full time faculty member at the school. At this new school where I teach, I feel like I am swimming around with no guidance or mentoring, so it will be refreshing to hear what he has to say about my methods. On the other hand, I am scared out of my mind that I am not doing a good enough job. At my old school, I was good to go; I knew everyone and I was very confident in my teaching abilities. Now, I am more uncertain about things. I try very hard not to let this show, but it must at some point. I will just keep going with it. I mean, they haven't fired me yet and have already scheduled me for a class in the spring. I think that is a good sign. hehe

My regular job is starting to wear down on me a bit. New policies, seemingly foolish ones, are starting to be pushed on to us. It is hard not to be frustrated when this is NOT what I want to be "when i grow up" at all. Teaching is what I love, but right now, being a developer is what pays my rent, my gas, my bills, and my health insurance. So each day I have to go through the motions of being passionate about this full time job, when deep down I just want to teach.  Yesterday I decided that I would stop being so stressed out about this FT job and not take is so seriously. With that new outlook, I realized that I do not do a whole heck of a lot here on a day to day basis. This is a discouraging realization.  It could just be the change in seasons and the darker sky in the mornings, so, here too, I need to just keep going with it all. 

Positive thoughts for the day:
  1. Sam's softball team won last night! They took 7th place :) hehehe.
  2. Observation night is over! YAY!
  3. Only two more days until my bum toe gets fixed.

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