It's been awhile since I have written. That seems to be a common first line for my blog entries, or at least a variation on a common line. The past few months can be summed up in one word (a common word amongst everyone these days): stressful. Yes. I am stressed out like I have never been before. All of this comes after two times through graduate school and my father's double transplant surgery.
Oddly enough, I was never stressed out about my father's illness. Not once. I was worried and saddened beyond words, but never stressed. Last year was one of the absolute hardest years in my entire 29 years on this planet. Watching my father go through liver and kidney disease and the awful effects of them for 9 months before his surgery was torture, especially from such a distance. I realized I neglected on this blog to announce his surgery - it was Christmas Eve Day. I kept the log of the week I was in Cleveland and the few weeks after on Pop's Blog. The joy of having my father back is unbelievable and the relief in my head and my heart is even more incredible. He is healthy. He is happy. He is funny as all hell! My parents even took a trip to visit my grandparents! A vacation. I hope no one ever has to comprehend any of this in the way that my family has had to, but if you do... it CAN work out. He even mowed the lawn - twice! Every night before he goes to bed he leaves me an IM on my computer to wake up to: "Good night, Tuter! Love, Pop." Yup - he calls me Tuter. Every morning I wake up to a reminder that miracles happen. Damn we are lucky.
So you can imagine the sense of peace that comes once the surgeries are done and the hallucinations go away. The sense of "My family is breathing for the first time" that hits you every once in awhile. It is interesting to me how every once and awhile, it all hits me and I just start crying. Cheesy happy tears, but still.
Then the stress came. Like I said, not family stress... rest of life stress. Between 2 jobs, attempting to find a new place to live, having a partially renovated/livable condo/home at any given time, and just trying to relax, I am pulling out my hair (figuratively of course). Our lease is up at the end of July and we are trying to find a new home - something a bit bigger but of course not too much more money (less if possible). This alone is hard enough. Our home is currently partially in boxes and furniture from one room is placed in another and in another and in another. Our pictures are off the walls and it doesn't feel like a home now. We are both feeling the effects of this. It's a long story and for multiple reasons cannot go into the details of this, but for the next 4 months, this is how we are going to have to "function and live" in our "home." Not fun.
4 more weeks of teaching and then reprieve. Summer vacation from one job is something I very much look forward to. I love teaching and I long for the day I can do it full time, but right now, it is a lot to handle on top of an already too stressful full time job.
Apparently this blog entry has turned into everything I cannot stand about blogs: public bitching and moaning about personal issues no one but the author gives a shit about. So be it. I didn't even vent the details, but that was enough to at least get some of it off of my shoulders.... for now.
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